Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Dearest of all

Dearest of all

I should be appauled

By my place

After the disgrace.

You say all is well

That you are fine

But I am not

I am walking on the thinnest line

An arid acrobat

That has forgotten his act.

Thy god has laughter

For he is forcing our meetings

And I can no longer relate

To fate.

The handsome man that stands

The curved face

I would carress

Those cruel words

That still hissle.

Imagine if it were true

If life were not a venue

With fake lights

And unkept promises.

Would you have accepted

My tenderness

That stalls each

Time I see you

And mourns its miss.

One day you will

Become a chapter

Possibly against your will

But it would be part laughter

Even if heartache would

Overcome

The sum.

I care too much to look

To be a crook

And let mine revenge

So I content myself

To simply binge

Short story snippet

There is something so appealing about a roasted chicken. It’s between the smell, the way the sweet meat rubs against your tongue as the skin gently crisps in your inner cheek, the way you slice it with every bite and never get sick of any part of it. But most of all, it’s the way you know that you are the predator, that that was the easiest prey alive, it only cost you a few bucks, and here you were feasting and feeling more human than ever before. You had become the predator and everything had become your prey. I promise this isn’t food porn.

Clementine always pondered a lot on car journeys, she let time roll by and she let her mind wander with it, the blossoms of the trees made her happy, and the ugliness of certain things in the world, like a dry pile of dog poop made her laugh. Driving in the not-so-smooth Peugeot mobile she had never intended to think about such things. She could have thought about how handsome David Beckam was, the smooth curves of his face hugging every girl’s dreams, but she never seems to follow the norm with those kinds of things. She kind of loved that about herself.

She never had to worry about being boring, or about pleasing herself, her existence was enough in her book to make her happy, excluding the boyfriends and the lovely food.

She wasn’t driving, and thankful for that because she didn’t really know where to put herself these days, in the ‘bitch’ seat seemed like the first step, but she felt that she knew who she was, without knowing where she was.

David started laughing, his blonde giggle invading the oxygen of the car, flowing through it like psycadelic stars. He was always so beautiful in everything he did, she knew she had some beauty of her own, but none like his, none that would make someone stop and stare and pinch themselves to make sure they weren’t dreaming, that kind of beauty. Afterwards, he stood there, the stars in the wind gone, another joke yet to be forgotten.

David and Clementine’s relationship was slightly strange, she liked him, she had hooked up with him, he was possibly everything a girl could ever ask for, yet he was simply dull. His beauty had made him boring, he never disagreed on anything, he just went along with all of everyone’s bullshit. And bullshit seemed pretty exact when you dealt with people her age. People who thought they had seen the world and were ‘cooler’ than you more ‘wise’ more ‘yoda-eske’ but what they all had, was never anything compared to Clementine or to people who had hidden truths.

She was hungry for life and they weren’t, they were hungry for unimportant and material things, not for life itself.

Next on the other side was Pablo, a French stereotype with a Covergirl wink. Knowing Pablo that little detail would simply make you say ‘Oh Pablo,’ for he was a charmer, but not a accomplished one, he would always just talk about how French he was. His accent was light, but it was there, and he liked that. ‘Dude, I am so pissed that they took Anelka off the team, it’s all these foreign negative externalities that are causing France to lose, cause or else, we would have shown Mexico who was their true mother.’ I whispered ‘I think things are more complex than you think, but I like the economic lingo, it’s a lot more intelligent than 90 percent of the things you have said today, would you like a little gold star?’ She let out a large lip-balmed grin, she was fucking with him, and he hated it, but not at the same time, cause she was the only one who could fuck with him, his ego was far too wide and tall to be fucked with by anyone else.

He was a passionate kisser, a jerk you would carry on your arm, but he was full of secret complexes, like when girls look in the mirror and think their butt is too big, and was always sad that he could never make Clementine happy. It was also kind of the issue at the moment and they didn’t really talk about it because apparently Clementine was too relaxed, mysterious, and independent for things that intermingled with Pablo.

Sometimes Clementine wished she had a wider face, and like a lazy eye so she wouldn’t have to deal with apparently non-homo Abercrombie wannabe models who didn’t have balls. It sounds kind of harsh, but it’s pretty accurate.

Hiccups

Restless & unuseful is not my goal.

I was talking to someone last night and he started having the hiccups.

I asked him what was he scared of since I had to scare him to get rid of them.

He told me he was scared to end up alone, that he did did not want to grow old alone.

I couldn't cure his hiccups.

A new kind of feminists' discussion

There is a common thought amongst men that every single girl seeks a relationship.
How all females just want a boyfriend to have and to hold. That women seek to confine men in a Alcatraz penile cell where their dick is controlled by her little pretty magic wand.
WAKE UP. These are changing times and where did the casual hook up and casual sex without questions go.
As a collegiate female I am too independent, too busy, and simply too free spirited to even want a boyfriend at the moment. When I text someone, I do not expect a reply because I know that people get scared quickly by my bluntness. Men, who at times behave like boys, confuse my blunt somewhat form of seductive ways into being a trap into monogamy when it's simply a more efficient and rather revealing way to do things.

I do not wish to sit around and depend on a man to maybe give me some feedback, and I am not mad at a guy or several, I am simply frustrated by the fact that for some reason, maybe cultural, most of all men (I hope it is not a universal characteristic) think that every single woman wants to be in a relationship with them and seeks that goal primarily when they hook up with someone.

Sometimes it may be just a connection due to chemistry where there is not much talking but still, behind in the guy's unconcious he will think that she is seeking ultimate monogamy. Yeah, who doesnt like a great boyfriend but trust me, there are so many men out there that are great lovers but not boyfriend material.

Yes I would like to meet someone nice one day and make pretty babies but look, I am in college, you are too, all that is far away at the moment. Seize the moment, this girl is not out to get you.

This stubborness in thinking is also rather egocentric as well. Who said that since I hook up with you, for example, I imagine a future full of dates and flowers and kisses and intoxicating romance, or anything out of you. Maybe I just think your cute and wanna kiss.

Girls do not expect that when boys hook up with them that they want to be in a relationship (though there are some guys that are relationship fiends, let's not forget to mention them). They presume that the male thinks they are good looking or that they like something about them that gives rise to the male pecker.

This is the kind of cultural double standard that is not talked about.

Who has ever discussed that men are afraid of females because they feel that they all seek to 'trap' them into a relationship.

Females are always on the search for a perfect mate, it's an instinct, but can't a girl have a little fun with compatible guys just for the joyride?

I say cut the crap, if you want someone go for it. You run the risk of coming on strongly but who has time to sit around and look at your lifeless phone and just feel the seconds stabbing you more when you anticipate a call, a text, or any sort of response.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Lavish gaze

When I glanced across the room,
It was almost like a dream.
I felt my thick eyelashes beat with the wind,
and the crooked smile on you face,
the dimples that crevasse your skin.

I don't know what is happening.
Is it a glance of lust?
Of Trust?
Or of a must?
A must to get closer, to touch my lips on yours,
to exchange more than a hold on the hip,
or a hug that lets electricity go by.

I can barely look at you,
those stunning eyes that make me feel naked,
yet beautiful like the dew dripping from a gardenia.

I may expand things,
Overthink what may be just a friendly smile.
But I resort to my romance,
to what this soon could be.
But I am fragile in front of you,
I feel like almost too new.

So I look down,
To the pavement or floor of my fear,
to look up and in an imaginary world say,
'I think I like you'

Monday, September 28, 2009

Romance is a dream?

That old black magic called love?

When we look at our world today love seems to be only only prescribed drug for true happiness. Money doesn't seem to work, and well most of anything does not satisfy us.
When talking to my guyfriends (not boyfriends, because or else that could hint that I have some romantic affiliation with them), so when face to face with them and discussing broadly the topic of Love, not specifically because males are a little scared, either they desperately want a girlfriend to cherish and care for, or they only wish to fulfill their bodily needs, and a girlfriend sometimes just has to come with the package. People are so strange, why aren't there really guys in the middle?

This girl asked me the other day if I was a romantic well

- I listen to Frank Sinatra regularly and know the words, CHECK

- I took a quiz facebook saying I am a "Romantic Dreamer", CHECK

- I thrive for Cosmo and Seventeen date and romance suggestions, CHECK

- I love roses, CHECK

- I've never been in love or in a relationship, UNCHECK


Compared to her I was a newbie to romance in a certain way because shes the kind of gal that's perfect, with a beautiful face, gorgeous eyes, and popularity that is hard to ignore.
I answered a firm "Yes"
Why yes I am a romantic, just haven't been able to apply my romantic abilities on someone special, its different. She then asked me for a date idea (I've never been on a real date) for her 1 month anniversary for her and her boyfriend, I said a picnic by the water at night with candles and a blanket. Perfect date.
She loved it, but that still makes me tonight boyfriend-less while listening to Frank.
Life is complicated you guys, especially when your picky. But picky is good, it actually sometimes opens you up. Even though guys are somewhat jerks, well at least most of the ones I'm attracted to.


So the finalizing question is what makes a person a romantic, past successful relationships, or the knowledge you build when seeing "Love Actually" more times than you can remember?

Sunday, September 13, 2009

This way to romantic 'Popular' boy

While listening to Taylor Swift, 

who I once detested because of her snobbishness, 
love her ONLY in the song "You Belong With Me" 
I wondered which sort of stature in High School the people who listened to this song were or are

Is it the 'popular' people who listen to it most?

Or the 'unpopular', 'geeks', 'weird girls', the ones who look at the ground while walking through the halls and wish their mum didn't drive them to school in a 1980s Dodge?

As I was thinking about this, is that probably the 'popular' girls (I hate classifications) are the ones that listen to this song the most because they have not been through somewhat 'social rejection' like other girls. The 'geeky girls' most likely do not believe in such a fairy tale even if the guy in the video is CALIENTE. I guess 'popular' girls even if they maybe have been rejected a couple times in their lives probably are more likely to secretly believe in such a fairy tale.

Let's not underestimate 'popular' people though, they probably go through some very harsh lives that not even their best friends know about, I've seen it before. But I'm talking about girls who are spoiled their whole lives, and even if nice, or not, even if they may have a somewhat lovely personality, or a couple good qualities, they are NOT grounded like those who would be a 'social failure' in their eyes.

Message to boys: Would such a thing as a hot popular guy falling in love with his 'geeky' neighbor unravel a note saying 'I LOVE YOU' at the same time with a girl when running into her at prom? (where she magically turned really pretty & hot & attractive & glowing)